Bet you can't last
by marmitehaters67
Summary: amazingphil, danisnotonfire and friends go on a little...journey. To a different dimension. features the world of Harry Potter, some Supernatural characters, and YouTubers; the Fantastic Foursome to be exact. A real prize goes to anyone who finishes reading it, details at the end of the story, comment or message us if you finish! We don't own a thing mentioned.


A/N We bet you won't be able to last through the whole thing! If you do, we have a prize mentioned at the very end. Good luck!

The door slammed closed after him as he left the house. His Aunt Rose and Uncle Mike had been lecturing him _again_ about continuing his family's buisness (or at least on his mum's side) and move to the countryside, where they were then, to become a land developer. (Really, who wants to do _that_ for a living?)

Phil never liked getting together with his family in the country. He never told anybody, but they always managed to aggravate him. They seemed to be incessantly cheerful and ignorant. Phil normally didn't mind people like that, but his aunt and uncle acted it to the extent of seeming slightly demonic. No matter if it was from the lecturing, the not-so-subtle hints, the food (though he was quite polite about it, anyway), or the complete lack of privacy they never seemed to come across as...the most polite of people, to say the least . Worst of all, he was all alone. And he loved to be around people, to talk to people, and to just watch people interact. He couldn't have any of that while at the family's house in the _country._

The rest of his family went backpacking to the beautiful castles of Scotland. He didn't think it was very logical, backpacking in castles, but his family just gave him odd looks when he mentioned this, as he unpacked his things from the car and closed the door, as they drove away quickly, leaving him staring after them in the driveway of his Aunt's and Uncle's. The rest was just a blur. Before he knew it, he was unpacked, and sitting with his extended family around a small, round table. All alone. It was when they started talking about the "excellent job he'd do at the family buisness", that he decided he'd had enough, and politely excused himself.

That left him to the present, angrily walking away from the small cottage that was his home as of late. Normally, he got along with everyone and was very cheerful, but he was angry at whoever decided it was a good to leave him in the same house as these people, let alone, all by himself with them. There were no other houses in sight. Just a long, wooden fence next to the shoulder of the deserted road he was walking on. He stumbled a bit in his anger and rush to get away.

His black hair blew in his face as he stomped down the road, having his own little temper tantrum for everyone to see. Well, everyone in this stupid, deserted countryside, anyway.

He contemplated the woes of his life, and then he contemplated the word "woes". Only then, did Phil notice how dark it had become. He slumped against the long fence in defeat. He was miles away from the cottage. Maybe if he stayed there long enough, a car would pass by. He could flag it down, and the nice, friendly person inside would drive him all the way back to his real home. And feed him. He was getting hungry.

"Kid you know that's never going to happen," said a voice.

"I know conscience," he said aloud, "but it's a way better alternative than going back to the cottage."

"I'm not your conscience," said the voice. Only then did Phil notice the glowing hue coming from his right. He looked towards it, only to be greeted by the sight of a man. He was short, and he had a crazy look about him. He had brown hair and green eyes, while Phil had straightened black hair and large blue eyes.

Phil had to look again to see if the person in front of him was real or not. He was.

"My name is Bing. I'd tell you this more gently, but there's not much time."

"T-tell me what?" he stuttered. What did this stranger want? He hadn't seen anyone else on the walk to his current location, so did he want money? Something else?

"I'm your father"

Phil blinked. "What?"

"Phil, I am your father."

Phil couldn't help but notice how Star Wars this conversation was getting.

"But..." he started slowly, "I've already got a father." Now he was really worried. Was this man crazy? He knew his name, somehow. How did he know his name?

"Yes, yes, I know, but I'm your real father!"

Phil was beginning to think he was suffering from hallucinations due to his lack of dinner, or anything to drink in a while.

"You're not hallucinating, Phil! You're my son! Your mum and I had an affair, and she got pregnant. That was right before she and your dad got married. Your father always thought you were his, and, well, you obviously look nothing like me, so..."

Phil noticed that. He didn't look one bit like the other. And the fact that they looked around the same age. There was no way he was this lunatic's son. It was just not genetically possible.

"It is possible, and it happened," Bing answered his thoughts, "You see, I'm not human. That's why you don't look like me, and why I look so young."

_Well,_ _at least that would explain the glowing. _

"I'm a god."

_Okay, I was not expecting that, _Phil thought. He said aloud, "I thought, you know, that gods wore robes and stuff. I'm pretty sure you're not, right?"

"Greek and Roman gods do, but I am neither. I am a god of Vultron, and I am perfectly happy wearing these jeans and my sweater," Bing answered oddly, but still patiently.

"I've never heard of it," Phil said skeptically.

"That's because it's in a different dimension. I'm a dimension hopper."

"So," Phil said slowly, trying to process the information that he somehow knew to be true, "you're the Vultron god of dimension hopping."

"No, Phil! I am the dimension hopping Vultron god of Marmite."

Phil continued silently looking up at the odd stranger in front of him.

"I'm sorry, I know that you know not of Vultron, or even me, your own father, but I need to send you to Vultron. We gods are not allowed to deal with the lives of mortals. Therefore, I must send you, my only and _the _only demi-god child, to Vultron's capital, Spread City, to receive a powerful item that will destroy the evils lurking in and corrupting our world."

"Uhh, what item would I need to get?" Phil asked. He had never heard of anything powerful enough to do any of that.

"It is located in the capital building of Spread City. Some mortals call it...The Holy Duct Tape."

"Wait," Phil started, confused, "The magic item you want me to get, the one that destroys all evils, is a roll duct tape?"

"In your world, duct tape is common, but in ours, Earth 17, or Vultron, it is incredibly rare and powerful."

"What exactly would these evils be, then?"

"I cannot say, but love, itself, is being destroyed from our world as we know it. I'm sorry, Phil, but you have no choice."

"What do you mean, 'I have no choice?'" Phil asked, starting to panic. Suddenly he wished he was back in that smelly old cottage with his aunt and uncle.

"I must send you," replied Sean, looking truly sorry. "I wish there was another way. I would never willingly force this quest upon anyone, especially my own son. In Vultron, I will not be allowed to appear much to you and others around you, but at some times, I will. Please, my son, be careful."

Before Phil could say anything more, Bing, the Vultron god of marmite, and father of Phil Lester, used his godly powers to knock the unsuspecting Phil unconscious.

"I'm sorry," said Bing, before picking up his son (with his ridiculous god powers, I might add) and transporting the both of them from Phil's beloved home, to their destination: Vultron.

Phil woke up lying on the ground with no clue where he was. He propped up onto his elbows to take in his surroundings. The sky, he noticed, was not the normal shade of blue, but instead a deep magenta mixed with maroon. The grass on which he was lying was soft and slightly moist, just like perfectly healthy grass, except for the fact that it was a dark indigo. He looked from side to side, gazing at tall, geometrically shaped buildings all around him. The skyscrapers and factories were all different shades of green, as though it were a colourful version of Emerald City from The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

"No love in this place? You've got to be kidding me," Phil muttered to himself as he stood up, gazing around.

He walked along the pavement next to buildings, as though he were strutting down New York City.

"Heh. Strutting," he thought as he smiled to himself, contemplating the funny action. He spotted a pancake shop nearby and entered it.

Seeing as there were no available tables to sit in-the place was quite packed- he sat across from an old man reading the newspaper. A waitress came up to Phil, asking him what he wanted to order.

"Just a cup of coffee, thanks." he said, dismissing the waitress.

"Quite a story, isn't it?" the old man asked.

"Excuse me?" Phil asked, befuddled by the man's question.

"You know, about You-Know-Who's takeover."

"No, I'm afraid I don't quite know."

The oldster chuckled with a knowing smile.

"New here, eh? Look around, sonny. You see anyone that looks happy here?"

Phil didn't. Everyone seemed grey and pale; like all the happiness and love had been drained from the world.

"You-Know-Who drained all love from the world. Of course, he never felt it. He wants everyone to be like him; an unhappy, Muggle- hating dark wizard, and anyone who gets in the way gets killed."

"But, what about Harry Potter? Didn't he kill You-Know-Who?"

"Do you actually believe that crap that GL Rolling or whoever wrote? He was just transported to a different dimension; our dimension. And now he's trying to control all the spreads and get the Gods on his side so he can control the world."

"Whoa, what gods?"

"You know, Bing of marmite? That stuff! Haven't you ever been to a temple, boy? You must be new if you don't know what's going here!"

The waitress served Phil his coffee as the old man tried to explain the religious system to Phil. They explored the topic of Voldemort once again.

"They say, however, that there's a magic object that can restore love to the world. And it's hidden and guarded by a monstrous creature. Boy, I'd pat the back of any man, woman, or child who gets their hands on that thing."

"Watch what you say, Cornelius," the waitress warned to the old man. "He's coming." she finished with a shiver as she watched a young man enter the small pancake house.

He wore a black cloak over a deep purple t shirt and black skinny jeans, sagging just below his waist to reveal his Justice League boxers. He carried a wand in his hand, made of oak. A Sneakoscope stuck out of his pocket. He had straight brown fringe, the rest of his hair reaching just a tad below his neck, but not in the girlish way. An evil smirk was implanted on his tan face. Just looking at him, Phil could tell that he was a bit of a mischief maker; the way his brown eyes glinted whenever he saw a young woman walk past, and just his aura made him seem like a joker, like had he not been a killer, he would be a funny guy.

The waitress approached him hesitantly, as though one wrong move could end her forever. "Can I get you anything, Lord Howell?" she asked.

"Some pancakes would be nice. And not just any pancakes; freaking Delia Smith pancakes! "The wizard said. His voice was that of a late teen, maybe early twenties.

"That's Dan Howell, a Death Eater. He's been invading this place ever since the war started. Apparently, he's in charge of Muggle Regulation. You ever see the movie 'Inglorious Bastards?' Well, he's like the Hans Landa of Muggles. He killed my wife for being a Muggle. Been looking for an excuse to kill me, too." Cornelius muttered for only Phil to hear.

Dan walked over to the table that Cornelius and Phil shared. He sat down and leaned towards Phil, as of sharing something top-secret with him.

"You new here?"

Phil nodded, a look of slight terror on his face. He was, after all, a Muggle, and he was sure that Dan wouldn't hesitate to kill him if he found out. To calm himself, he reached into the pocket of his hoodie, fingering his little lion plush that always helped him to regain some control.

Dan wore a malevolent grin upon his face.

"Well, as long as you follow the Dark Lords rules, I suppose I'll have no reason to kill you. Isn't that right, Cornelius?"

Cornelius's face grew red and angry.

Before he could say anything, the waitress served Dan his pancakes.  
Dan grinned contently as he took a bite.

"Good ole Delia. She may be a Muggle, but she can make some pretty fantastic pancakes." he sighed as he took another bite.

Phil nodded as he stood up to leave. The longer he stayed in the presence of a Death Eater, the more uncomfortable he felt.

"Whoa, where do you think you're going? I'm afraid I'll have to take your name. You know, for records. And of course, to check your blood status." Dan said as he pulled out what looked strangely like a cell phone.

"My name is...uh, Phil. Phil Lester." Phil decided that it would be unwise to lie to the guy with the Sneakoscope and a wand. Dan typed into his device. A smooth female voice spoke robotically from the device, "Phil Lester. Origin: Earth. Blood Status: Muggle."

Dan looked at Phil, his content expression replaced with a mischievous one.

"A Muggle, eh? Well, the Dark Lord doesn't like Muggles, Phil. I'm afraid I'll have to, as the Daleks say, exterminate you." he purred with a malevolent chuckle as he drew his wand from his pocket and pointed it at Phil's heart.

"Avada Keda-"

"EXPELLIARMUS!" a familiar voice boomed behind Phil.

"Holy marmite!" Dan exclaimed. "It's you! It's really you! The god of marmite!"

"Daniel Howell, you have committed many crimes as a Death Eater. I offer you forgiveness for them and protection from Voldemort as long as you watch over and protect Phil on his journey to restore love to Vultron. Do you accept my offer?" Bing asked Dan.

Dan had fallen to his knees in front of Phil's father, tears falling down his face. It was obvious to anyone that Dan worshipped Bing more than the Dark Lord himself.

"But who is this guy  
to you, my lord?"

"He is my son. Will you accept?"

"I accept, Lord Bing. Sorry for my wrongdoings."

Dan stood. Phil's dad nodded and vanished in thin air. Dan turned to Phil, a look of determination of his face.

"Let's go save Vultron." he said. The pair exited the shop, each going different directions.

"This way, Phil!"

Cornelius chuckled as he saw Phil turn and run after Dan, wondering what on earth they were in for as the two departed from the city, one step at a time.

Walking with only a few short-lived conversations to break the silence for three miles with someone who almost killed him was not Phil's idea of a fun time.

Trying to break the ice, Phil decided to get to know his companion a little better.

"So...you from here?"

"No." Dan replied shortly.

"Where are you from then?"

"Earth."

Phil was not deterred by Dan's monosyllabic replies. He was asking questions left and right, learning that Dan was from Manchester, he loved the Internet, and one day Voldemort transported him to Vultron and made him his lieutenant.

Phil was running out of ideas, so he laid off the questions for a while. His hand was in his pocket, absentmindedly playing with his mini lion plush that reminded him of his home on earth.

"Can I ask you a question?" Dan said suddenly, turning to face Phil.

Phil nodded, a bit shocked that Dan had actually said more than one word in a sentence (which he hadn't been doing since they departed the pancake house.)

"What, may I ask, is so entertaining in your pocket that you constantly keep your hand in it?"

Phil blushed and smiled meekly as he pulled out his little lion.

Dan raised his eyebrow at his companion.

"What," Dan smirked. "Is that?"

Phil blushed even more as he said, "It's my lion. I love cats."

Dan smirked even wider.

"And that's in your pocket, why?"

"It helps relax me whenever I'm nervous. It's basically the only thing I brought with me from earth."

"And you're nervous because...?"

"Well, restoring love to the world against Voldemort isn't exactly a relaxing task, now is it?" Phil snapped.

Dan looked taken aback by Phil's sudden outburst. He held up his hands in surrender as they continued walking in silence, refusing to make eye contact.

They both glanced at each other, and caught each other's eye, before bursting out laughing at the ridiculous-ness of their situation.

"Who would've thought," Dan choked out, tears of laughter coming out of his brown eyes, "that I would have to restore love to the universe with a Muggle? And Bing's son, of all people! And this powerful son has a bloody lion plush in his pocket. I mean, how ridiculous is that?!"

"Says the person," Phil gasped between fits of laughter. "Who walks into a cafe and orders, and I quote, 'freaking Delia Smith pancakes!"

They both continued to laugh until their stomachs hurt. By the time they had stopped, it had turned dark, so the magenta sky morphed into a deep violet colour. They walked to a park nearby.

"We'd better set up camp. We'll continue tomorrow morning, yeah?" Phil suggested.

"Yeah," Dan nodded.

For the next hour or so, Dan and Phil set up a tent that Dan had summoned. They also built a fire, and Dan started the flames with a swish of his wand and the incantation, "Incendio!"

"Hey, Dan?" Phil asked, arms wrapped around his knees in a fetal position once they settled in the tent.

"Yeah?"

"Are you scared?"

"What about?"

"Everything. Returning love to everyone, you-know-who, the journey, etc."

Dan turned to look at Phil with a grin upon his face.

"Terrified," Dan stated.

They both laughed.

"What's that noise?" Phil asked.

"What noise?"

Suddenly, they heard a rustling noise, causing Phil to panic.

"Oh God, what is that?!" Phil asked urgently, hoping Dan knew more about the area than he did. He absentmindedly started rocking back and forth from his position on the ground.

"Calm down, you prat! They'll hear us. Death Eaters are patrolling the park, like they do every night. They'll be gone within ten minutes."

They waited for a quarter of an hour, waiting for the Death Eaters to leave.

Just when they thought they had, Dan and Phil heard a voice nearby.

"Hey Jacobson! Come check out this fire! There must be someone here!"

Jacobson responded, "Probably a Mudblood in hiding. Must be stupid if they didn't even put out their fire."

Hearing this, Dan whispered, "Please tell me you put out the fire and t one that they're on about is not ours." through gritted teeth.

"I could say the same to you!" hissed Phil. "We need to get out of here."

"We can't without passing them! There must be about 20 Death Eaters here!"

Phil took a deep breath and sighed, trying to put on a brave face (which, by the way, failed miserably.)

"We're going to have to fight our way out .We'll need a disguise, though. Maybe we could do war paint or something!"

Dan nodded, wanting more than anything to just leave.

"Ok, do you have a permanent marker?"

A minute later, both Dan and Phil were staring into mirrors, summoned by Dan when the guards weren't looking. Both were wearing, courtesy of Phil, cat whiskers and a large black dot on their noses.

"This," Dan whispered, gesturing to his face, "is your idea of war paint?!"

"It's all I could think of! Believe me, Dan-This cat has claws." Phil whispered back before hissing.

Dan tried his hardest not to burst out laughing as he slapped his palm to his forehead, shaking his head and whispering, "No, Phil. Just...no. I'm washing this off."

Dan whispered "Scourgify!" to his forehead repeatedly, to no success.

"Why the bloody hell isn't this coming off?"

"It's called a 'permanent' marker for a reason, Dan."

"This is permanent?!"

"No, it'll just stay put for a while. Come on, let's attack now. The more we wait, the more nervous I get."

"Fine. But don't think I'm going to let this go easily, Phil. Revenge is coming!"

"I think I can live with that," Phil responded as they both spring out of the tent, jumping out of the magical barriers that hid them, screaming wildly as they bounded towards the Death Eaters.

Running towards a pack of Death Eaters is not exactly in the fun category of things-to-do for most people (though Dan said that Phil's mum most certainly _was _in that category). As they were running, the two could easily see the confusion and then malice in the eyes of their opponents. The Death Eaters whipped out their wands and began shouting incantations and curses, none of which seemed to be affecting the two. Before they could ponder why, a figure apparated in front of Dan and Phil, protectively spreading his arms out like an eagle between them and their enemies. [Sorry, had to add the eagle:)]

"Cornelius?" Phil asked in a surprised tone. "What are you doing here?"

"Rescuing you," Cornelius replied dramatically. "I've loved you ever since you walked into that pancake house. I turned and saw a beautiful, confused creature and I knew right then, that you must have been special. I wasn't at all surprised to find out that you were Bing's son. Alas, I know we can never be. You are too young, too innocent. The odds will never be in our favour. The only way I can ever express my love for you, truly, is to allow you to escape. Go, my love. Make the world a better place. I will distract them!"

Phil stood there, eyes widened.

"I am so confused," he stated, in shock of being loved by another.

Dan, meanwhile, tried not to combust with laughter as he realized how ridiculous the situation really was.

Cornelius hugged Dan and kissed Phil's forehead as a gesture of farewell, before turning back to Voldemort's army.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" he screamed as he bounded towards the Death Eaters.

"RUN, PHIL! RUN!" he screamed back at the pair. And they did run, only

stopping once to look back at Cornelius; a Death Eater drew his wand, pointed it at the old man, who looked up to the sky as he cried one tear. Where Cornelius once was, an eagle took flight.

Even after the almost-fight, both Dan and Phil's cat whiskers were the same dark black shade, and didn't show any sign of coming off soon.

"Well, I didn't expect that to happen," Dan said, Phil nodding slowly, silently agreeing with him. They were running beside eachother, avoiding any stray Death Eaters that may have been lurking in the shadows out of sight.

After the incident with all the Death Eaters, the two of them decided that traveling through the forest would be a bit safer. They reached the edge of the trees and didn't stop running until they were completely out of sight, hidden by the darkness and cover of wildlife.

By the time they had stopped, the sun had already risen, and the two companions were beat (as in tired, ya know?). They had hardly gotten any sleep the night before, due to epic-ness only a few hours previous.

Phil was the first to eventually collapse, refusing to go any further.

"I'm not cut out for this kind of stuff! You're much better at this "adventure" thing, anyway. I was never into sports! I just want to go home," he whined. "It was basically my fault that Cornelius died or whatever."

Dan sighed in exasperation and plopped down next to his new friend.

"It's not your fault. I mean, what the hell? He bloody loooooooooooved you...and he probably dated your grandmother at one point...well, grandfather. I've heard it both ways." he said, causing Phil to laugh a bit.

"Honestly, as weird as that was, it wasn't either of our fault. And he didn't even die! He turned into a bloody bird!"

"What?" Phil asked.

"He turned into a FREAKING EAGLE. Did you not see that?"

Phil asked, confused, "An eagle?"

"Yes. Inception!"

Both boys laughed and soon fell asleep, Phil's hand never leaving the pocket that held his lion.

The next morning, Phil woke up face-to-face with a humungous lion. And not just any lion; a FREAKING GINORMOUS LION! It had to have been at least five times the size of a regular lion. Phil yelped and jumped up in surprise, waking up Dan.

"What's going on?" Dan mumbled sleepily.

Once he saw the lion, he shrieked and jumped back to where Phil was, now wide awake as he took in the lion's presence and started trembling with fear.

The lion roared with great volume, before coughing, his volume apparently too much for him.

"Why have you entered my forest? This domain, fools, and I suggest you scram (like, get out, ya know?) before my brethren pack kills you!"

"Oh yeah? You and what army?" Dan challenged with false bravado.

Phil looked at his friend incredulously, like he had just said the stupidest thing in the world.

"He _has _an army, Dan! Did you not hear the brethren pack bit?"

"Well, what are we going to do then? We sure as hell can't turn back, now can we? There are too many Death Eaters! We'll be murdered on the spot!"

"Hm. I don't know, Dan. Maybe we could ask the ferocious feline in front of us to give us a ride on its back!" Phil said sarcastically.

"Well, I could apparate, but the Death Eaters would find us. The Death Eaters will kill us on sight if we go back, and the lion and his pack will eat us alive-"

Dan was interrupted by a small sob. He looked over at the colossal lion, head buried between its front paws, shaking with sadness.

"I don't have a p-p-pack! I'm all alone! They were poached, by D-D-D-D-Death Eaters!"

Phil, who had a soft spot for lions, and an extreme one, in this case, pulled his plush lion out of his pocket. With a sigh, and a final kiss to his beloved companion's (the lion, not Dan. Unless you like that kind of stuff….) wee forehead, he approached the sobbing lion and handed him the plush. The lion looked at Phil in confusion.

"So you'll never be lonely again," he said with a half-smile.

The lion looked at Phil, then back to the little stuffed animal.

"You fellas said you needed a ride to the center of Vultron?"

Twelve minutes later, Phil and Dan were both on the lion's back, traveling at incredible, almost warp, speed.

"Ride on, my courageous steed!" shouted Dan as he caught sight of an enormous castle that could only be Voldemort's lair, the Lovebug sitting on the enormous lawn out front.

Phil and the lion both turned to give him a weird look.

"Sorry," Dan said. "I've always wanted to say that."

The lion abruptly stopped.

"This is as far as I can go without being hunted, my friends. Being the last of my species, I don't think I should take the risk. Good luck to you both."

He departed back into the forest as soon as Dan and Phil had dismounted.

Considering the lack of sleep that the Dynamic Duo had obtained from the previous night, they set up camp just outside the forest barriers, sure that the Lovebug would scarcely notice anything.

"Hey, Dan?"

"Yeah, Phil?"

"Is it just me, or are things seriously getting weirder and weirder with every step of this mission?"

"No, it's definitely an Inception moment for me, too. Usually, and it may not look like it, it's not very different from Earth."

"Shoot. Being on another planet, I've kind of been hoping this would be normal for you."

"Just because it's another planet, that doesn't mean it's automatically weird. But yeah, this is seriously insane. It's 'cray,' as modern Earthlings would say."

This caused Phil to laugh. Both were silent the rest of the night, dreaming of their homes, and what would come the next day.

Phil and Dan woke up to roaring sound. They immediately left camp, not bothering to pack it up; the Lovebug sounded too close to waste any time. They headed through the remainder of the forest, towards Voldemort's palace, but unknown to them, a quiet shadow lurked behind them.

"MY BABY!" they heard, causing both Dan and Phil to turn around with a start. What they saw, however, was not at all remotely close to what they expected.

There stood a young man, no older than 20 years old, with dark hair and eyes to match. He seemed to have a permanent smirk on his handsome face, but at the moment, all they could see was worry etched into his face. Next to the young man was the last thing either of them expected to see; a small baby panda bear, with sparking green eyes.

The young man was weeping at the panda's side, his face pressed tightly against the creature's snow white (like the princess, ya know?) and pitch black fur. Meanwhile, the panda looked around curiously, spotting the boys, and making a squeal of delight when he saw them. This triggered the sobbing man to notice them also, and hastily scooping up the bear into his arms, shouted

"What are you lookin' at?! Haven't you ever seen someone crying into a panda bear?"(Although I'm pretty sure that's illegal, ya know?)

"Erm…why are you sobbing into a panda bear?" Dan questioned.

The man hesitated before sighing, placing the panda softly onto the forest ground.

"Well, we were trying to kill the Lovebug, because it had killed my friend's parents (like Harry Potter, ya know?)," he said, gesturing to the panda. Even though the panda didn't seem to understand words, it sensed a somber mood in the atmosphere, and sat down quietly and patiently, as if beckoning the man to continue.

"We were running from the Death Eaters, and we tried to apparate outta there, but I guess my friend must've gotten hit by a Transfiguration spell, and now…he's a panda." The man concluded, looking like he was going to break into tears again, so Phil ran over and gave him a hug. Dan slightly smiled at Phil's kindness, and patted the little panda on the head. The panda squealed with delight and snuggled into Dan's hand.

"I'm Chris, by the way. Chris Kendall." The young man said, pulling away from Phil at last and sniffling. He glared at Dan, seeing him petting the panda.

"Quit touchin' my man, peasant!" he snapped at Dan.

"Wha'?" Dan said, confused.

"I never…got to tell him I love him. I don't know the counter-curse, and the only way that he can come back is if the magic duct tape is restored. I can't do it alone. Hey, will you guys help me?"

"Actually, we were going to do it anyway, so yeah, might as well. I'm Phil by the way, and this is my friend Dan." Phil said.

"Brilliant," Chris smiled with a sense of hope. "And this is PJ, my best friend. And…hopefully more than that if we ever get through this." He said, gesturing to the panda, mumbling the last bit, embarrassed.

And with that note, they ventured off towards the Lovebug, unbeknownst to them that everything was about to change.

They crept past the tree barrier of the forest as swiftly and quietly as possible. They entered a large clearing (like _really _large, ya know), seeing the beautiful rubicund palace in the center. They noticed a waving black flag bearing the ominous Dark Mark on it, in the highest room of the tallest tower(like Shrek, ya know?)

"That must be where they keep the Duct Tape."

There was a roaring sound that was generated from right above the four. They simultaneously looked up at the beast. The Lovebug loomed over the group, roaring again. Dan and Chris pulled out their wands.

"Stupefy!" Chris yelled at the same time Dan exclaimed "Avada Kedavra!"(like his inner death eater conscience, like conscience as in the one Kronk has from Emperor's New Groove has, as in the kids show/movie, like the one on Disney, like the way Nicktoons are better, like Avatar the Last Airbender and Danny Phantom, like the cartoons, like this thing is getting really long, like a book, like Twilight, not like twilight, more like 50 Shades of Grey, but not really, more like ALEX FRIKIN' RIDER, ya know?)

The Lovebug was not amused. Or affected whatsoever. Phil threw rock as PJ sat curled around Chris's feet, purring contently (like a cat, ya know?)

UNKNOWN TO THE GROUP, CORNELIOUS APEARED, SAW HIS LOVE PHIL IN PERIL AND CAWED WITH DETERMINATION. (Like Thor would write it, ya know?)

He swooped to the highest tower and into the window. He saw the Magic Duct Tape floating in a glass case (like the rose in Beauty and the Beast, ya know?), someone sitting in the corner with a laptop on his lap, watching Johnlock fan videos on YouTube. This alarmed Cornelious a bit (he shipped Jimlock, not Johnlock.) but what alarmed him even more was the fact that the person was in fact VOLDEMORT! The man turned from his video, his face morphing from Voldemort to another face, looking mysteriously like Gabriel (like from Supernatural, ya know?)

Cornelious hissed at Voldemort tauntingly before flying out the window, the Magic Duct Tape in his talons. He dropped it into Phil's hand, who caught it surprised, looking up to see the majestic eagle cawing affectionately as it swooped onto the ground next to him. Phil smiled and thanked the bird-man, before gathering his companions and running to the edge of the forest, away from the trembling ground, the shaking being caused by a herd of Death Eaters running at them.

A curse was fired towards the boys, but Phil held up the Duct Tape to deflect the blow. The curse hit the ground where Cornelious and the Lovebug were struggling to overcome each other. It formed a large, gaping hole that they both got sucked into, taking the other Death Eaters with them.

"No!" Phil shouted, being held back by Dan as he tried to run forward and save his feathered friend, however, someone beat him to it.

All they could see was a flash of large black wings swooping into the hole, fast as lightning. In an instant, three men were standing in front of them.

The tallest stood moose-like with long dark hair and dark blue eyes. He had broad shoulders and a muscular figure. He looked around confused, his gaze landing on a shorter man with light hair and pretty green eyes. (He's not pretty, he's manly, ya know)

The man next to the two, the one with the black wings, was far shorter. He wore a dirty, tan trench coat and a crooked blue tie. He had dark unruly hair that stuck up in random places, and his eyes sparkled with innocence and smarticles.

"What's Homestuck?" The trench coat clad man asked randomly.

"What the HELL are you talking about, Cas. What the HELL just happened?!" the lighter haired man shouted in confusion and anger in the poor man's face.

As these questioned were being asked, Voldemort seemed to apparate out of thin air right next to the three men, smiling smugly as he appeared.

"Evening, gentlemen. So kind of you to play," he chuckled darkly.

"Why the dark chuckle, GABRIEL?!" the lighter haired man-child said accusingly.

"Well, Dean," Voldemort said, turning into his true form of Gabriel. "I was simply amusing myself. I can't watch Johnlock videos ALL the time, now can I? No, I decided to have a little fun with you and Sam. I took away your memories, replaced them with this fake universe I've created, and turned you into an eagle and your brother into a 'Lovebug.' And it would've worked, too, had it not been for these meddling kids and their dumb panda (like in Scooby Doo, ya know?) I had to meddle with their memories, too. Oh, and I should probably change you into a human again, shouldn't I," he said, directing the last bit to PJ.

A lanky boy stood up from his place on the ground, right where the panda had been, previously. His curly brown hair was unruly, and his bright green eyes were wide with confusion.

"What just…" he started. He then turned to Chris.

"Quit touching my man, peasant? Really?"

"Wait," Chris started slowly, "you heard…everything?"

Before PJ really had any time to reply, Chris launched himself at the unsuspecting boy, kissing him fiercely on the mouth holding him (like the kiss after World War II, ya know).

Cas looked over at Dean, to find that Dean was already staring. Dean leapt over and mimicked Chris's actions, kissing Castiel with the fiery hotness his mother possessed while burning to death on the ceiling.

"Well, that was fun, but I've got some more Johnlock videos to catch up on, so…I gotta dash."

He disappeared. Then everyone, including Dean, Sam, and Castiel, appeared back safely in Dan and Phil's flat.

Then they all had hot gay sex together, got preggers, and died. Because sex is bad.

Stay thirsty, my friends.

And that's our story.

A/N

Wow. We didn't think anyone would last this long. Well, if you did, we are so sorry. If anyone did last through the whole thing, tell us in the comments and we will write a serious fanfic about ANY OF THE FANDOMS MENTIONED IN THE STORY. Anything. Your choice on ships, plots, etc.

Sorry it was so cracky!

-Artemis + Inez

Dean, peasant.


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